The Language of the Soul

At times language got in our way. The information from the knowing field would come a bit garble, maybe two words smashed together.

You know thoufeel that’s what it is. I might hear during a session.

“What’s thoufeel?”

When the thought and the feeling are together, not separated.

“Well, for your info, we don’t say that.”

What do you say?

“We say a thought and a feeling.”

But that’s not what it is, it is one thing, not two.

I racked my brain for a better word. “Maybe you mean intuition.”

No, intuition is a different thing all together. Intuition arrives because you are connected to the surroundings; you are tapped into the oneness. A thoufeel is the use of the heart and the head energy at the same time.

“Okay what do you call it?’

Heshemanashehema, except we don’t say it, we sing it, and your brain can’t possible hear all the sounds within the thing you call a word which to us is a tonal sequence of varying vibration.

“So language limits us?”

In a way, it limits this conversation, but then if you were able to know everything your brain would be unable to process it. Your language keeps you safe in that body and mind, so in that way the word limiting is not right. But language, and I mean spoken word, also separates you, however you have other language that connects.

“Like body language?”

No art, music, touch, dance, and lovemaking. Mostly these can be the language of the soul and are always understood.


Sometimes, art of all forms becomes egocentric and will not stand the test of time. Art from the soul will touch us throughout time, it will speak to the human mind for as long as it exists.

“Like Beethoven? “

Yes, or just drumming, you do not need to be Beethoven to connect with music.

“So we should drum?”

If you want to drum then do it. Remember, rules involve judgment; the point of existence is full experience, if you want to experience your soul-incarnate creative endeavors of all kinds are good for that experience. The creative endeavor expands the experience of the soul, with this expansion the soul can inform the creative endeavor and so the cycle grows and grows.

“So humans are meant to create some kind of art.”

Absolutely, but you are not to judge that art, and the art is not to become a god.

“What do you mean by that?”

You have created false idols of artists, actors and singers. It is a natural outcome of the soul not being able to express itself through personal art, and so you make those that create art—certain kinds of art that you judge ‘good’ at this period of time—gods.

“So that’s wrong?”

Not wrong, it simply limits the souls experience of the oneness by focusing on an individual. It is both hard on you and hard on the individual creating the art.

“So what is your advice?”

Live, laugh, create, write, dance, sing, draw, sculpt, play, drum, stop being so serious.

“Isn’t that a judging statement, stop being so serious?”

No because I don’t consider the act of not being serious necessary to connection or limiting love.  You asked for advice, I gave it to you, I will love you just the same no matter your response to that advice.

There is one thing you ought to know we—meaning ‘we’ those vibrations individuated from the oneness to create connection for human souls—we cannot hear words really. We can connect to thoughts, feelings, and song or music. A conversation between two human beings means little to us, but the intention or feeling and thoughts regarding that conversation connects us to you. Remember that girl at camp?

My mind went immediately to the camp I worked at when I was about 15. It was a strange experience, my father had been asked to be on staff at a camp for children that were deaf, blind and/or disabled in some way. Some of them had multiple physical disabilities. I was in charge of the horses and helped the kids ride. I learned a great deal at the camp but one of the most memorable part of that week was the night at the campfire.

We were all sitting around singing and someone was playing guitar. Seemingly out of nowhere, a young girl stood up and made noises for all of us to listen. She was deaf and had down syndrome and could not speak words really, she began swaying and sort of dancing and then she started speaking. It was a chant, or song and speech at the same time, I could feel a story within the words, a story of her life, she pointed and gestured and sang and grunted and we all sat there, mesmerized by her determination to explain her life. Parts of the story held anger, other parts love, other parts frustration; she told us everything without using one recognizable word. When she was finished she sat down and we were all speechless, somehow our language now seemed insufficient, simple, lacking in meaning. She stared at us for a second, awaiting a response, and then we all began clapping, joyously and reverently for her beautiful display of life story.

“So we kind of look like that girl to you, our words meaning nothing but our intentions and feelings behind those words mean everything.”

Yes. This is how you are even hearing me now, this is not a voice, but strength of intentions moving through you and filtering to be interpreted by the mind to be reformed into the language you understand. It is the openness to connection and the lack of fear and judgment that allows this interaction occur.

“Then I am missing a lot.”

You are doing just fine, let it keep flowing, don’t latch on to what it lacks, stay with what it gives, this is the point of language anyway, to give something of ourselves to the other. When it all becomes to much for your mind, sing, just sing.

Chatting in the knowing field

After the initial contact with what might be angels, might be my own mind, might be both, I began receiving what I can only describe as “lessons.”  In order to coerce me to quiet my mind–as they promised–I would get a headache and feel very tired. In the beginning, I often fought the feeling for a few days, but it only increased in intensity. Finally when I carved out and hour or so for quiet meditation the process would begin.

The simple thoughts would “drop-in.” Below are examples of a few of the drop-in concepts:

Judgment blocks the energy of that which is.

The ego is the child of the soul and binds the instincts to the soul.

Darkness and stillness create an entrance to the void.

Your human job is to be a receiver.

Before I would have much time to question or ponder one of these drop-in thoughts, I would be given an experience of that thought while in a meditative state. The experience was always powerful and it integrated the thought into me in a way that engaged more than just my mind. Following the experience, I would begin the discussion with the knowing field.  Below is an example of that process:

Well we think you are ready.

“Ready for what?’

For the first lesson, just take some deep breaths and try to quiet your mind, we are going to show you something.

I did as I was told and my consciousness dropped into deep darkness.

“Where am I?”

Just relax and feel it, try not to think.

I relaxed. The thinking didn’t stop.

Suddenly I felt and saw an amazing burst of energy as if endless light flowed in from somewhere, not from up or down or to the side of something, it just flowed out of the darkness. Then a figure appeared dancing in the energy. The figure was loosely human and appeared to experience unbounded joy. I could feel the joy penetrate my own body. Then the figure began throwing things up and around itself. Piece by piece one by one the light was blocked and the figure grew darker and darker and stopped dancing. The figure herself grew dark and fell limply on the ground. I was overcome with sadness and the images put in front of me.

“This doesn’t make sense.” I said

What did you see?”

I described the vision.

This is the power of judgment. All energy is available at all times but judgment blocks the arrival of that energy to the human person.

“Okay, but judgment can keep us alive, like whether to eat something poisonous or not, or to walk down a dark alley.”

That’s discernment, not judgment. Judgment is the act of determining if something is worthy or not worthy. Discernment is the recognition of something, recognizing that something is poisonous is just that, it has no value or devalue, it is what it is. But if you say that is bad, then you have judged it.

“But it is bad for me.”

Yes but the nature of the poison is not bad, it is just its nature.

I thought of the dancing figure and of the energy giving itself to her at the beginning of the vision. The depth of the giving was beyond my understanding. It looked like it would never stop and she could always be joyous inside of it.

It is all about receiving. The voice said as if reading my thoughts. All energy is there for the receiver. Not receiving would be like a sin, if there were such a thing. It is available to everyone, all the time.

“Ask and you shall receive.” I said quoting the Bible.

Yes, he knew what he was talking about. You don’t receive because you judge yourself to be unworthy.

“What, you mean like money?”

Sure money, but think bigger, money is really not the point.

“You try living here without it.”

I could sense raucous laughter

Okay go back to that energy you saw, how much was there?

“It was never ending, so really, there was no amount.”

And how did it feel?

“Well, like total love and acceptance without any kind of conditions on that love and acceptance.”


Collette, humans block that love everyday when they judge themselves and others as good and bad and unworthy or even worthy.

“How do you stop judging?”

Just try first with yourself. Make an attempt to see that unbounded energy as part of you, and as what you are given, love yourself without condition.

I stared at the ceiling and considered this idea, the notion of not judging myself. I found it difficult to imagine. I knew there were parts of me that were not great; but I also judged myself good, in some cases.

“So it it humility that is important?”

Humility is the absence of ego’s hold on you. It has nothing to do with judgment. You are neither good nor bad, you are just you, without any standard of scale. You will learn more, for now remember judgment blocks the eternal love of the oneness.

“Okay, I will remember that.”

Now rest and we will call you again another time.

It’s just about infinity

We need to talk to you.

Two years ago, as I was working outside on our land those words dropped into my mind. In one way the thought was my own and in another way, it was not entirely from me.

I ignored it and returned to weed whacking the pasture.

We need to talk to you. Go inside and lie down.

I continued to ignore the internal voice badgering me about having a conversation. Summer heat pushed at me like the voice and I felt exceptionally tired that day. My head hurt, my body felt leadened, my joints ached.

Go inside and lie down.

What? What or who was saying this? I made some valiant attempts to push through the malaise and the annoying internal voice but nothing helped. Defeated, I decided to return to the house, take a shower and lie down for a bit. I had no idea how the events would turn for me that afternoon or how it would change my life.

While showering I was overcome with a compulsion to hum. I began humming quietly. It felt calming so I ramped up the volume. Within a few seconds I could not be stopped.  The humming–and there was no particular melody–progressed to point of near mania. The effect was both maddening and hilarious as this odd and unstoppable interior force took over any rational sense of myself. I hummed and made dijurido like sounds raising and lowering the tone. Waves of sound propelled out me for a ten minutes while hot water from the shower poured over me. When the episode ended I felt a better, lighter but still not well.

I got out of the shower, dried off and flopped into bed. Almost the instant I was prostrate this internal encouragement began a new mantra:


The voice was firm but driven out of kind loving intention. So I breathed.

I have meditated, I’ve done breath work and I know something about the art of breathing, but I am not practiced or consistent. Still, that humming drive turned into an inescapable desire to breath. I could sense that my mind and body were unable to resist. I was not so much out of control as I was washed of any desire to do anything but what I was being told. Lying in my bed I breathed, I did not employ a special technique I just breathed and then started humming again.

At that point I felt sensation which came as both internal and external, almost as if a gust of strong wind entered through my solar plexuses and merged with another part of me that lived in the base of my spine. The first physical sign of this encounter of energies was my back cracking, in a way a chiropractor might manipulate the spine.

The second was a message, spoken in English that seem to come both from me and outside of me.

Please relax we need to open some space in you and it is time to do so.

The voice had a great deal of love in it, comfort and joy as well. The tone was one of caring mixed with a level of concern. Not really believing it and simultaneously curious, I accepted the request and relaxed.

Soon I was in, what I can only describe as a full session. The energies moved up my spine, manipulating them until there was a cracking. Each time something was released and a burst of energy poured through me. Soon the entity seemed gently drawing my body into new shape. Each movement somehow related to my spine and parts of my back. It was alternately fascinating and frightening. Was an entity taking over me?

In a misty, foggy way I could sense three beings, one was little and was the one working on me. The other two were bigger, one felt like a leader. I felt their concern but I did not really see them. I did sense love, an ancient love passed down across centuries–no, longer than that, for eternity.

The session lasted nearly an hour and during that time I alternately accepted the whole strange phenomenon and rejected it. At different points I decided that I was somehow making it up, I considered the chance of some brain malfunction possibly a tumor in rapid growth. I would try to regain control of my body and limbs. As my mind attempted to push through the sensations and redirect my movements, the gentle voice would caution me from doing so.

We’re not done yet.

And the being calmed my mind with a kind of caress that I am unable to describe.

Eventually everything came to rest and my body felt so alive it buzzed. All the pain was in my back was completely gone, I had no headache nor any sense of being tired. In fact I felt a wealth of energy I have never felt before. Later that day I would ride my bike for miles and that week I would wake with the vigor of a young woman.

I took a deep breath, as the energy that came in through my solar plexus seemed to rush back out.

The internal/external voice said:

We are done for now, when we are ready to teach you more you will feel pressure around your body and head, at that time stop, lie down and open yourself to that which is.

I didn’t answer I wasn’t sure how I could. I remained on the bed totally in awe of the new sensations coursing through me. I felt alive and inside of new land that vibrated and hummed. I got up and walked around like I had just bought a new outfit and was trying it on. I stared at my hands and arms hoping to see the tingling I was feeling.

I had the sensation that my three angels watched as I explored the interior of my home, seeing it all with fresh eyes. I sensed that they were laughing, not so much at me, but out of a kind of shared joy. I walked outside and the greens and blues vibrated in front of me, the horses ran up hoping for grain. I touched the mare, running my hand across her back, really feeling her for the first time. The sensation of life was fabulous, but my new understanding of it was fleeting. Within the hour I was fully back in the world, though the physical energy and lack of pain remained.

I could not imagine what would come from this. I expected that it was just an odd encounter with God and would remain a one-time experience of bliss. I could not have been more wrong.